There are many expectations put on a Pastor’s family. In public life Bob and I could pray openly, speak to groups, lead Bible studies, share our faith, but at home, we were private people in our faith. We didn’t share much ‘religious stuff, but more ‘human stuff.’
Bob was a sociology major in college, as was I; and in later years two of our children were the same. One child is an engineer so he could keep us grounded.
Sociology is the science of human relationships and we social work people like to get it, fix it, allow it, calm it, and change it.
Rabbi Kushner tells the story of a little boy who was sent to the store for his mom and was a long time coming home. When he finally returned, she asked “where were you?” He answered, “I helped a little boy down the street whose bicycle was broken.” His mom said, “You don’t know how to fix a bicycle.” He answered, “I know, I just sat down and cried with him.”
So, we talked about relationships a lot. Healthy ones where you shared your feelings and tried to face, address, and repair them, and unhealthy ones where you ignore wrongs and tell yourself it doesn’t matter.
God created us as beautiful, unique creatures – different in desires, dreams, values, beliefs.
In the Old Testament book of Ruth, we see the love and loyalty of a mother- in-law and her daughters-in-law. Widows who bonded together when they could have each gone separate ways.
When we are distant with others, we cannot know what the other is doing or feeling. Maybe we are afraid or have a negative self-image, or have insufficient knowledge so we feel threatened. Think of the story of the Good Samaritan. Would the Levite or the priest have stopped if they knew more?
As we become more aware of our own feelings and the feelings of others, we might still feel uncomfortable and hold back and relive bad experiences, but we are moving a little closer.
Think of the adulterous woman in scripture. When Jesus explains more, the feelings of the stone throwers are changed. Seeing what ordeals another person faces, may lead us to a leap of faith on our part.
Family is the factory where our ideas are formed of self- worth, communication, and faith formation. The church community reinforces and supports us in this pursuit.
From the book of Ruth, we read of love, loyalty, and legacy.
“Wherever you go, I will go, your God will be my God and your people my people.”
When I became engaged to a newly ordained Lutheran pastor, we planned our wedding. The scripture read was those verses from Ruth. The soloist sang words from the scripture. The bulletin used those words.
In choosing what to have inscribed inside our ring, Bob said use, “Ruth, Chapter I, verse 16 “
When we picked up the rings and looked at the inscription, and Bob, the seminary graduate, had missed the correct verse number and instead we had the verse, “and Ruth left with her mother-in-law.”
I never did find out what his final grade was in his Old Testament course!